Difficulty Paper #2 Sunshine

This is a paragraph of my rough draft that i have had some trouble writing.

As light versus darkness, good versus evil, or right versus wrong, becomes a common theme throughout the novel, sunshine develops into an active symbol, giving the characters and novel itself, a deeper meaning. When Hester is released from prison the “door was thrown open, and she came forth into the sunshine… as if meant for no other purpose than to reveal the scarlet letter on her breast (55).” The sunshine is bringing Hester’s sin out into the open and illuminating it for all to see. In this part of the book, sunshine is symbolizing bringing dark into the light, so that one cannot hide their sin, but must live out in the open with it, regardless of the consequences. Sunshine continues to play an interesting role in defining Hester’s character, as well as her daughter Pearl. Hester’s character seems to cast the sunlight away, whereas Pearl seems to draw it in and absorb it. In this instance, sunshine represents purity, love, and freedom, which because of the scarlet letter, Hester is doomed to be without. Pearl on the other hand, is still pure and without great sin, so she can be free to enjoy the light. The role that sunshine plays throughout the novel comes to conclusion on page 130 of the text. Hester and Dimmesdale are together in the forest, and Hester takes her scarlet letter off and throws it. Hester feels free from her guilt and with Dimmesdale, “creates a sunshine, filling the heart so full of radiance, that it overflows upon the outward world.” Hester is finally able to feel the warmth and brightness of sunshine, instead of always casting it away. She is freed from her guilt and shame that haunted her through the scarlet letter, and finally finds a deeper happiness.

I noticed that the sun and the word "sunshine" in particular seemed to be common throughout the novel. This symbol wasn't as bold though as others, like the scarlet letter, or the wilderness, which seem to be more obvious symbols. The sun's meaning seemed, at first, easy to interpret. The sun brings light, and so it reveals what was in the darkness. This was a symbol of Hester's public shame, which brought her sin out in the open. Although Hester still had to suffer punishment for her sin, at least she was freed from some of the guilt she would have faced if her adultery had been kept a secret. It is easy to see the results of that guilt in Mr. Dimmesdale, who wasn't courageous enough to openly state that he too had committed the adultery. The sunshine represents more than this though.  The sunshine casts light on Hester's sin, but Hester seems unable to step forth into the sunshine to feel its warmth. This can mean that, yes Hester's sin is out in the open, but through her daughter Pearl she still feels the guilt of her sin deeply in her heart. Pearl, who is able to run and dance in the sunlight mocks her mother's inablility to be happy by stepping into the sunlight and feeling its warmth.  (This is as far as i've gotten with the sunshine symbol)

Rough Draft Scarlet Letter

In The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne, symbolism plays a large role in shaping and driving the story, allowing for a deeper interpretation of the text. This novel is filled with symbols that introduce and reinforce the story’s central theme of sin, acceptance, and grace that result from conflicts of good versus evil. Beginning with the prison door in the first chapter, leading onto the rosebush, the scarlet letter itself, the wilderness and civilization, sunshine, and pearl, symbols practically tell the story!

The first symbol in the book foreshadows the events to come. This symbol is the prison door, which represents sin and darkness. The prison is “the black flower of civilized society” because it is dark and gloomy, but nevertheless, a necessity of a town (Hawthorne 36). All towns need someplace where criminals and sinners can await their sentence, and the prison serves that function. The prison door, in particular, is very symbolic. Just as a door is the beginning to a room, the chapter about the prison door is the beginning to the novel. The prison door is the entrance into darkness, sin and pain. It is described to have “never known a youthful era (36).” This means those who enter the prison are without innocence, because they have tainted themselves through their crime and sin. In this case, Hester Prynne is the criminal and sinner who awaits her sentence inside the dark prison.

Outside the prison door is a beautiful rosebush. The “wild rosebush…with its delicate gems, which might be imagined to offer their fragrance and fragile beauty to the prisoner… “is a sign of hope and grace that “nature could pity him [the prisoner] and be kind to him (36).” The placement of the rosebush outside of the prison is representing how even in sin, evil, and darkness, there is always grace, kindness, and hope.  The symbolism of the rosebush contrasts with the prison door. In such an unlikely place, such as a prison, a beautiful rosebush grows. This foreshadows the story to come by setting a theme of hope in darkness, forgiveness in sin, and kindness when all is thought to be evil.

The most prominent symbol in The Scarlet Letter is the scarlet letter itself. This particular symbol changes meaning throughout the story. Traditionally representing sin in the form of adultery, it becomes, instead, a symbol of grace and forgiveness. Hester Prynne is the reason for this drastic change in meaning of the scarlet letter. Hester is first branded with the scarlet letter after having a child with a man she was not married to. As punishment for her sin, she is dealt the scarlet letter, to wear upon her clothes as a token of her sin and a sign of her unfaithfulness. Hester embroiders the letter herself, and to everyone’s astonishment it is “so fantastically embroidered and illuminated upon her bosom. It had the effect of a spell (Hawthorne 41)”. Hester right away embraces her punishment and helps to expel herself from society by making her token of shame so beautiful and magnificent. The beauty of her scarlet letter, though at first interpreted as “pride meant for punishment”, is really a symbol of grace (Hawthorne 41). The scarlet letter represents the sin that Hester committed, but because it is so fancy and beautifully made, it acts a representation of God’s grace for mankind’s sins, which is something beautiful despite an ugly sin.

Hester deal’s with her sin in a very interesting way. Instead of moving towns to escape the pain and public rejection of her sin, she stays in the town that convicted her of adultery. Every day Hester suffers judgment from the towns people, even the children “fling mud at them [Hester and Pearl] (69)”. As a true sign of Hester’s character, she suffers through all of the judgment and ridicule as a part of her punishment. Hester’s presence after she has been branded with the scarlet letter works to change the minds and perspectives of the townspeople. After seven years of living with the scarlet A, the townspeople get to know Hester based in her acts and not on her brand. On page one hundred six of the text, it is said that “such helpfulness was found in her, ---so much power to do, and power to sympathize, ---that many people refused to interpret the scarlet letter by its original signification. They said it meant  Able.”  Hester proves to the people of her town that a label does not define a person, but that a person defines the label. Hester has chosen to live her life as a good woman, despite her early downfall. This decision is what really changes the idea of the scarlet letter, and serves as an example for everyone else to practice grace and forgiveness, and to leave judgment up to God. Hester’s peers learn to accept her just as Hester had accepted the scarlet letter.

Another symbol that plays a large role in shaping the story is the wilderness. The wilderness or forest is mentioned many times in the novel. This symbol represents untamed, raw emotion and instincts, which are present in most all of the characters in The Scarlet Letter. The wilderness is the most difficult of symbols because it represents such contrasting ideas. It is both light and darkness, and good and evil. In all characters in the novel, there seems to be a constant internal struggle between being true to one’s emotions and living by society’s standards. This struggle is best shown through Hester’s public conviction of adultery and Dimmesdale’s hidden guilt over his sin, which tears him apart.

 Throughout the novel many characters are found to have wandered, briefly or more extensively, “into the forest”, both literally and figuratively. Mistress Hibbins can be found dancing in the forest in the night, Mr. Dimmesdale meets Hester in the forest, and Chillingsworth, who gets his herbal medicines from the forest. These character’s outings into the forest represent their surrender to natural emotions and instincts. They travel into the wilderness to be released from moral law and to embrace both the good and sinful desires that they all naturally feel. Once they return to civilization, they become bound again by the puritan society that requires them to be disciplined, conservative, and pure.

Civilization is representing rules and force, living by the law and serving punishment for breaking that law. In civilization everything that one does is on display for everyone to see and judge, whereas in the forest acts are more secretive and remain undiscovered. This symbolic “civilization” is the puritan expectation and custom of order and righteousness. Hester Prynne’s home is symbolically located in between civilization and the forest; cast out from the town, but not enveloped into the dark wilderness. This represents Hester’s moral being—straddling both worlds of light and of darkness as she “had wandered, without rule or guidance, in a moral wilderness; as vast, as intricate and shadowy, as the untamed forest (128).” Hester’s sin and public conviction of that sin, has cast her from the puritan society, but because she continues to live according to that society’s beliefs and rules instead of a sinful life, she is left in a cultural “limbo”, stuck in between those two different lives.

As light versus darkness, good versus evil, or right versus wrong, becomes a common theme throughout the novel, sunshine develops into an active symbol, giving the characters and novel itself, a deeper meaning. When Hester is released from prison the “door was thrown open, and she came forth into the sunshine… as if meant for no other purpose than to reveal the scarlet letter on her breast (55).” The sunshine is bringing Hester’s sin out into the open and illuminating it for all to see. In this part of the book, sunshine is symbolizing bringing dark into the light, so that one cannot hide their sin, but must live out in the open with it, regardless of the consequences. Sunshine continues to play an interesting role in defining Hester’s character, as well as her daughter Pearl. Hester’s character seems to cast the sunlight away, whereas Pearl seems to draw it in and absorb it. In this instance, sunshine represents purity, love, and freedom, which because of the scarlet letter, Hester is doomed to be without. Pearl on the other hand, is still pure and without great sin, so she can be free to enjoy the light. The role that sunshine plays throughout the novel comes to conclusion on page 130 of the text. Hester and Dimmesdale are together in the forest, and Hester takes her scarlet letter off and throws it. Hester feels free from her guilt and with Dimmesdale, “creates a sunshine, filling the heart so full of radiance, that it overflows upon the outward world.” Hester is finally able to feel the warmth and brightness of sunshine, instead of always casting it away. She is freed from her guilt and shame that haunted her through the scarlet letter, and finally finds a deeper happiness.

Difficulty Paper #1

One aspect of The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne, that I found difficult was the language. This seems to be a very common problem students have with this book.  The language is so difficult for me because the sentences are very detailed and long. Also, I am not accustomed to reading or hearing certain words or phrases. For example, one page seventy nine of the text, Hester says “make my excuse to him, so please you!” In today’s language, we would just say “Tell him my excuse please!” Also, I have run into many words that I just do not know. On page thirty seven, in chapter two, I am not familiar with the words physiognomies and augured. Not knowing many of the words in the text makes reading the language even harder because not only am I unfamiliar with the sentence structures, but I also have to keep looking words up in the dictionary so that I can understand what is going on.  Then after I know what the word means I have to go back and reread the sentence.

One device that helps me to better understand the language is the footnotes. The footnotes better explain certain pieces of the text that are specific to the time period of the text, or that are uncommon history. One example of this is the reference to Ann Hutchinson, also on page thirty seven. The text briefly mentions her, and as a 21^st century reader, one might be unsure of who she was or why she is mentioned, but then the footnote gives information to explain why Ann Hutchinson might be important, and why she is mentioned, or who she is so that one can understand why she was mentioned.

Another helpful technique for understanding the text is to simply reread over parts that are confusing. By rereading I can understand the meaning because I get a clearer idea of what is going on from re-enforcing the parts that I do understand and then working through the more difficult pieces of the sentence.  I used this technique on a particular passage in the book where Mr. Dimmesdale is speaking to Roger Chillingworth about confession and sins. Mr. Dimmesdale says, “Nor have I so read or interpreted Holy Writ, as to understand that the disclosure of human thought and deeds, then to be made, is intended as a part of the retribution… the hearts holding such miserable secrets as you speak of will yield them up, at that last day, not with reluctance but with a joy unutterable (88).” First of all, I had to look up the definition of writ, which I found to be “a formal document” (according to dictionary.com), so I inferred a “Holy Writ” is something the bible says. Then I reread each sentence and thought about them individually then in accordance with each other until I could understand what Mr. Dimmesdale was saying. Re-reading difficult language makes the meaning easier to understand because you are making yourself familiar with the language, which helps to decode the meaning.

Rough Draft revised

Sonny’s Dreams

In the novel The Flowers, by Dagoberto Gilb, Sonny, the main character and narrator often talks about these experiences where he closes his eyes and sees “colors and lines busting through, flying out and off and cutting in, crazy fires and sparks” (2). Sonny describes these episodes in very detailed language. These descriptions might be mistaken for drug trips or an overactive imagination, but really they are a tool and a defense mechanism to help Sonny deal with the drama in his life. I am writing from the psychoanalytic critical theory perspective to explain how Sonny’s ability to engross himself in his thought and mind is a coping tool and a means for him to deal with the aspects in his life that he has no control over and may not like.

Sonny’s head trips begin right away, on the second page of the book and continue throughout the rest of the novel. Sonny says, “Maybe you could say I would go off to my own world. To me it wasn’t mine, nothing like mine, because it would go black. I loved that color. It was like when the eyes aren’t open but try to see” (2). This is interesting because right off the back Sonny is describing the place in his head that he retreats to. He goes on to explain about how he walks around the random people’s houses picturing living there and how he would be if he lived there. These trances Sonny goes into are a very natural occurrence. Without effort Sonny just slips into a different world in his head and creates a different life than the one he has and lives out that life through his imagination.

Sonny has two different types of experiences when he drifts into his dream-like state of thought. These two types of experiences serve two different purposes in Sonny’s life, but they are both a way for him to cope with the hardships in his life. Sonny’s dream-like fantasies that he creates allow him to play out what he would want to happen if he made certain choices. This type of episode helps Sonny to cope with the aspects of his life that he is unhappy with by giving him a way to escape reality and live, for a few moments, in the wonderful and exciting creation in his head. An example of this type of dream is on page two in the text when Sonny has broken into a random person’s house and is imagining what it would be like to live in the shoes of that person. He closes his eyes and sort of just drifts off into his mind. Sonny describes this head trip “like it was a music that didn’t make sound but was making a story. Not a regular story…one that didn’t have nothing to do with people or places you’ve seen [sic]” (2). This type of daydream Sonny creates is to abstract and detach himself from the issues he really needs to confront. Instead of acknowledging what is going on in his life, whether it be the struggle he faces accepting Cloyd, or his lack of attention due to his mother’s ignorance, Sonny skews his issues by pretending like they do not exist.

Another fantasy Sonny creates is when he imagines what Tino looks like and how he would be able to beat him up if a situation became dangerous. Sonny describes his vision of Tino, “I wish I could see what he looked like exactly because I was already inventing him…I started seeing how I’d fight him if he came at me. I didn’t make him out to be much bigger than me if he was…” (104). Sonny is slipping out of reality and into the world in his head. He is preparing for the worst case scenario with Tino so that he can be ready if need be. Sonny is dealing with his fear of getting caught by Tino with Cindy, so he pictures Tino to be something that he could actually protect himself from. Sonny desires being a strong, masculine figure to those around him. He wants to show Tino who is the better man by engaging in a fight and winning. Also he is rationalizing being with Cindy romantically although she is married, by convincing himself that he is, in fact, a better man than Tino.

The other type of experience that Sonny has is when he closes his eyes and sees colors and shapes and hears sounds that blend together. This is Sonny’s way of relaxing and meditating when he is upset or frustrated. He goes into a sort of trance where he is able to calm down and clear his head. Sonny describes this experience once while he was listening to music. He says, “it was Fourth of July, colors and explosions of colors and lights and shapes, the singers’ voices spinning like planets and moons, getting bigger and smaller, and farther away, and closer, and closer, then over there, and up” (26). When Sonny has these types of episodes he blocks people out. Sonny goes into his head and is able to push out any thought or noises that he hears and that which make him uncomfortable. On page one hundred and five, Sonny demonstrates his ability to push out unwanted noise and use his daydreams to distract himself from situations at home. “They [Cloyd and Sylvia] were arguing, and I could make out words if I let myself, but I didn’t want to. I shut my eyes and went. Sound went into color and shape and I traveled up or down or wherever it was … and the bright lights didn’t make me turn away but stare.” Sonny hears his mom arguing and so he blocks it out. He says “I listened with other ears and I saw with other eyes.” Sonny is leaving his ears and eyes behind so that he can listen and see something different then what is really there.

However, throughout the novel Sonny’s visions cease. Sonny’s character develops and transforms from an imaginative little boy into a realistic adult. As this transformation occurs, Sonny becomes proactive about his dreams and desires. He no longer retreats into his imagination when times get tough, instead he deals with issues head on. Sonny always pictured himself eloping with Nica, but when the moment came, instead of running away from his troubles, Sonny helped Nica to escape from hers, knowing that he needed to return and work through the predicament with his mother and Cloyd despite how much he wanted to be with Nica.

Sonny’s daydreams show how he has developed and matured from a dreamy little boy into an adult. At first, Sonny’s dream-like experiences and fantasies drew him away from his life and struggles and allowed him to keep a clear head by not confronting his pain.  By the end of the book, Sonny no longer escapes into his mind in order to find peace and stability. He grows out of that tendency to retreat into his fantasies and progresses to confronting reality and dealing with uncertainties, anger, frustration, and love.

Journal Entry: Roque

In the short story Uncle Rock, by Dagoberto Gilb, the main character, Erick, struggles with accepting the men his mother dates. One man in particular becomes a greater struggle for Erick to accept as his mother becomes more seriously involved with him. Eventually though, Erick is able to see that his mother is happy, and is tired of new guys coming around so he takes a step in the direction of accepting Roque and becoming okay with his mother’s relationship with Roque.

Erick had watched as many men walked in and out of his mother’s life. The story opens up with Erick describing a morning at his favorite restaurant. Then he mentions a man, and the tone of the story drastically changes from carefree and happy to heavy, bitter, and angry.  The story says Erick would “be sitting there, eating with his mother, not bothering anybody, and life was good, when a man changed it all. Most of the time it was just a man staring too much--- but then one would come over.”The story tells how Erick gets so used to his mother’s routine with men that he is able to predict what will happen, each step of the way, as it happens. The narrator describes Erick giving a play-by-play for the most common conversations his mother has with men.“He’d say something about her earings…then he’d wink at Erick. Such a fine-looking boy! How old is he, eight or nine?” Erick is so used to men hitting on his mother that he can guess how the evening will go. He even can tell the type of guy that his mother would go out with.

At one point,  Erick’s mother is dating an engineer. Erick is a little bit excited about this because he can brag to people that his father figure is smart and has a good job. After a while though, this relationship between Erick’s mother and the engineer ends and Erick’s mother finds a new guy.  At first, Erick is disappointed and a bit embarrassed that his mother is dating Roque because Erick was telling a boy named Albert about how his “father” was an engineer. Erick lets on that “the engineer wouldn’t have mattered if [he] hadn’t told Albert that he was his dad.” Roque sticks around for a while and Erick admits that Roque really makes his mother happy because he “loved her so much--- anybody could see his pride when he was with her.” This is the point where Erick begins to accept Roque.

The final resolution of the story is after Roque had taken Erick and his mother to a baseball game. Erick caught the game ball and as he was leaving the stadium, he got the ball signed by all the players. This was a great moment for Erick until one of the players handed Erick a note for his mother that said “I’d like to get to know you. You are muy linda. Very beautiful and sexy.”Instead of handing this note to his mother, Erick drops it, or tosses it on the ground as he is walking back to his mom and Roque. When he gets to them, he says in a full voice, “Look. They all signed the ball.” This was a huge moment for Erick. Erick was able to let go of the fact that a player from his favorite baseball team wanted to “get to know” his mother better, and instead chose to move forward and communicate with his mother and Roque, even if just saying “Look. They all signed the ball.”

Rough Draft

Rough Draft: The Flowers

In the novel The Flowers, by Dagoberto Gilb, Sonny, the main character and narrator often talks about these experiences where he closes his eyes and sees “colors and lines busting through, flying out and off and cutting in, crazy fires and sparks” (2). Sonny describes these episodes in very detailed language. These descriptions can be mistaken for drug trips or just a crazy overactive imagination, but really they are a tool and a defense mechanism to help Sonny deal with the drama in his life. I am writing from the psychoanalytic critical theory perspective to explain how Sonny’s ability to space out is a coping tool or a means for him to deal with the aspects in his life that he has no control over and may not like.

Sonny has two different types of experiences when he spaces out. He is either imagining himself being something different, like doing something he wouldn’t normally have the guts to do, or he is just spacing out and seeing colors and hearing sounds that don’t have any kind of realistic basis. These two types of experiences serve two different purposes in Sonny’s life, but they are both a way for Sonny to cope with the hardships in his life. Sonny’s dream-like fantasies that he creates are a way for him to escape the life he is living. He is able to play out what would happen if he made certain choices and he gets to create his own endings. This type of episode helps Sonny to cope with the aspects of his life that he is unhappy with by giving him a way to escape reality and live, for a few moments, in the creation in his head. An example of this type of dream is one page two in the text when Sonny has broken into a random person’s house and is imagining what it would be like to live in the shoes of that person. He closes his eyes and sort of just drifts off into his mind. Sonny describes these experiences “like it was a music that didn’t make sound but was making a story. Not a regular story…one that didn’t have nothing to do with people or places you’ve seen” (2). Sonny is craving a change in his life. He is looking for excitement and new thrills by picturing someone else’s life and imagining it being more interesting. He likes to imagine something totally new from his life with new people and new places. Another example of this type of experience Sonny creates is when Sonny imagines what Tino looks like and how Sonny would be able to beat Tino up if a situation with Tino became threatening. Sonny describes his vision of Tino, “I wish I could see what he looked like exactly because I was already inventing him…I started seeing how I’d fight him if he came at me. I didn’t make him out to be much bigger than me if he was…” (104). Sonny is slipping out of reality and into the world in his head. He is preparing for the worst case scenario with Tino so that he can be ready just in case. Sonny is dealing with his fear of being confronted by Tino so he pictures Tino to be something that he could actually protect himself from. Sonny desires being a strong, masculine figure to those around him. He wants to show Tino who is the better man by engaging in a fight and winning. Also he is justifying his romantic feelings for Cindy by convincing himself that he is in fact, a better man than Tino.

The other type of experience that Sonny has is when he closes his eyes and sees colors and shapes and hears sounds that blend together. This is Sonny’s way of relaxing before he deals with a problem .He goes into his little world in his head and he just floats there. He calms down and clears his head. Sonny describes this experience once while he was listening to music. He says, “When I listen to music, it was Fourth of July, colors and explosions of colors and lights and shapes, the singers’ voices spinning like planets and moons, getting bigger and smaller, and farther away, and closer, and closer, then over there, and up” (26). Sonny listens and turns sounds and light into undistinguishable shapes and noises. When Sonny has these types of episodes he blocks people out. Sonny goes into his head and is able to push out any thought or noises that he hears and that which make him uncomfortable.

     Sonny’s zone outs begin right away, on the second page of the book and continue throughout the rest of the novel. Sonny says, “Maybe you could say I would go off to my own world. To me it wasn’t mine, nothing like mine, because it would go black. I loved that color. It was like when the eyes aren’t open but try to see” (2). This is interesting because right off the back Sonny is describing the place in his head that he retreats to. He goes on to explain about how he walks around the random people’s houses picturing living there and how he would be if he lived there. Sonny wants a different life than the one he has and he lives out that desire through his imagination.

Sonny goes off into his own little world inside his head as a way to step back and relax so that he can process and deal with certain situations. This technique of coping is interesting because Sonny is capable of tuning out all outside noises so that he can focus on just one thing. He also tends to combine the outside noises to make new sounds in his head. Those sounds then become a continuous drone playing in his mind that he then uses to relax. Sonny does this in order to concentrate and also in order to escape for a moment from the realities he will have to deal with.

Idea Paper

For my paper I want to write about Sonny’s strange episodes where he blacks out or zones out and goes into his own little world. I think his part of the text was the most interesting to me. I can’t decide exactly what the cause of these episodes are, whether they’re just a defense mechanism, a way for Sonny to clear his head or if something is medically or psychologically wrong with Sonny. I cannot decide if I will be writing my paper through the formalists/structuralist/ new criticism theory perspective or through the psychoanalytic criticism theory perspective. As I start picking out quotes and begin my writing I will be able to figure out which new criticism theory will work the best. I will be asking questions like: what is the purpose of Sonny’s episodes? Are they all the same, or do they differ? What causes them? What effect do Sonny’s episodes have? As I read more about the psychoanalytic criticism I think that I will try and write my paper using that perspective and if I have trouble, then the formalist perspective will be my second choice.

Sonny explains his “dreams” or episodes with a lot of detail. In order to clear his head he makes up different scenarios and decides how he would react if that situation ever occurred in reality. On the second page of the book, The Flowers by Dagoberto Gilb, Sonny is already describing himself spacing out and going off into his own world in his head.  He says, “What would finally come were colors and lines busting through, flying out and off and cutting in, crazy fires and sparks, and it’d come out speeding, and I’d be like a doggie out the window…I’d start to see shapes floating and straightening and wiggling and see it like it was a music that didn’t make sound but was making a story.” I thought this was a really great example of one of Sonny’s experiences. Right off the back, Sonny is describing this place he goes to in his head. In this particular example, before Sonny begins describing his experience, he is talking about sneaking into people’s houses and imagining what it would be like to be that person, living in that house. Throughout the book Sonny describes experiences like this. Many of these zone outs occur when Sonny is imagining himself being something else or doing something that he wouldn’t actually ever do. Another experience Sonny has is while he is listening to music and he describes it like it “was the fourth of July, colors and explosions of colors and lights and shapes, the singer’s voices spinning like planets and moons, getting bigger, and smaller, and farther away, and closer, and closer, then over there, and up” (26). Once again Sonny relates these experiences or visions to music and music being colors. It is really interesting what happens in Sonny’s head when he hears things and those sounds become visuals to him. I think Sonny’s episodes like this are a means of coping and relaxing. I’m still working on finding all of the evidence to support that.

Word Count: 522

Sonny Steals the Money

Sonny Steals the Money

Within the fifty pages assigned this week to read, Sonny takes one thousand dollars from an envelope in Cloyd’s desk. I think that Sonny will save the money and wait to spend it on something really big or important. Based on how Sonny has treated money prior to this scene, Sonny never actually ever steals money because he wants to buy something. I think he likes the rush and excitement of stealing money and he likes the feeling of security that comes with having a lot of money stashed away. I think later in the book something will happen triggering Sonny to spend the money. I do not think that he will get caught. If Cloyd actually noticed that the money was gone, it would be more likely that Sylvia would be accused because she spends a lot of money on clothes and Cloyd has been getting upset that she goes out so much. My prediction is that Cloyd will notice the money is gone and then blame Sylvia which will cause a lot of drama in Sonny’s house. I find it really interesting that Sonny, after going back and forth in his head weighing the consequences of stealing the money, decides to take it and then regrets it. “I wish I didn’t do it but I couldn’t put the money back because I’d even crumpled the envelope holding it” (Gilb 158). Sonny rationalizes keeping the money by saying how he just has to keep it now since the envelope is crumpled.

If I was in Sonny’s position, I would not have stolen the money. Since it was so much money Cloyd would definitely notice it was gone. I would’ve been way too scared of the consequences if I got caught, to steal the money.  Also, I wouldn’t take that much money unless it was really important for me to have it. I would have a really good reason for stealing it, unlike Sonny, who doesn’t really have any serious reason to have it except that he wants it. If I was in Sonny’s position and I had already stolen the money and couldn’t put it back then I would find a really good place to hide it, and I would save it. I wouldn’t spend it for a long time to avoid suspicion from Cloyd. Finally, when I actually thought it would be safe to spend it, I would spend it on something meaningful.

Character Description

After re-examining my character description, I noticed something about Sylvia and Sonny’s relationship that I wanted to add. On page 141, Sonny mentions how he and his mom used to talk a lot and his mom used to tell him a lot. Although Sylvia is disconnected from Sonny, he and she share a strong mother-son bond, probably because through all that they have experienced, they have stayed together. Sylvia also really trusts Sonny. Sonny keeps her secrets and lies for her to Cloyd. Sylvia really loves Sonny, I think she just doesn’t always understand him or make an effort to ask him about himself and the things that he goes through. Sylvia relies more on Sonny than Sonny relies on her.

Word count: 530

Metacognitive Reflection of Reading Habits and Difficulties with the Text

Metacognitive Reflection of Reading Habits

So far I have managed to get all of the reading done, but always sort of last minute. I think I am struggling with getting back into the routine of reading a novel. Instead of being really into the book and eager to find out what will happen next I usually forget that I have reading to do and then when I remember, I put it off. Procrastination is a bad habit that I need to break. Also, because the journal writing prompts are about certain topics regarding the story plot I like to read the prompts and decide which ones I will write about before I start reading so that I can know what quotes or events I need to watch out for, for the writing. I think this is a reason I tend to procrastinate because I know that there is work to go along with reading. Although, I will always read the prompts to know what I will be writing about before I actually read the book so that I can finish the homework faster.

For future reading, I am going to start reading earlier in the week. Usually I wait until the weekend to read the next fifty pages. I think if I push myself to actually read during the week instead of waiting until the weekend, then I will be able to get back into the routine of reading a novel and my own inclination to pick up the book and read will become more second nature instead of something I have to constantly remind myself to do.

 Despite my bad reading habits, I do really like the novel. Once I finally pick it up again to read I become interested in finding out what will happen to Sonny next. One aspect of the novel that I find really intriguing is Sonny’s experiences when he tunes out the world and goes to a place in his head. I am curious to learn more about this part of Sonny’s character and if or why it is important. Also, I am interested to learn more about the various people living in the apartment complex, and about Sonny’s mysterious older sister.       

Difficulties With the Text

I have not yet had any problems with the text besides the jump from English to Spanish. In most cases I can guess what the Spanish means based on the context, but I am never completely sure about it. This novel is really easy to read and understand because it is written in Sonny’s perspective. The language is very informal and casual, and there aren’t a lot of big, fancy words. I like that the novel is written in first person because the style of writing helps me as a reader to make connections to Sonny and to relate with him based on his feelings and experiences that he talks about. Although I can not really understand the Spanish words that are used, I like that it jumps back and forth between English and Spanish because it sets a cultural theme. Sonny is living in a mixture of Mexican and American cultures, and that underlining factor in his life has made impressions on him, the most obvious being his contrast of Spanish and English language.

Word Count: 538

Character Description

Sylvia, Sonny’s mother, is very pretty and seems to care a lot about her appearances. Sylvia always seems to be a bit disconnected with Sonny, like as if she remembers and then forgets that she has a son. Sylvia likes to go out with her friends and to dress up and look her best. She also tries to please Cloyd, her husband, by doing things she knows that he likes even though she may not like doing those things. An example of this is cooking. Cloyd brags about Sylvia’s home cooked Mexican meals, but Sylvia really isn’t a very good cook and she usually buys store bought food and then pretends like she cooked it. Sylvia used to yell a lot at Sonny and his older sister. Her anger and domestic violence towards Sonny seems to be misplaced, like maybe she is upset or angry about something else and so she takes it out on Sonny. Sylvia’s relationship with her daughter doesn’t seem to be very good. Just like she seems to forget about Sonny, she also forgets about her daughter, especially since her daughter is no longer living with them.

“My mom didn’t drink beer, I think especially because it was fattening.”(Gilb 72)

            This quote shows that Sylvia values her figure and physical appearance. She doesn’t usually drink beer because that might cause her to gain weight.

“I was thinking of Ceci,” I said. “Don’t you wonder how she is?” I wondered about her, if my mom ever talked to her. She never talked about her, I never asked.” (Gilb 74)

            This shows the relationship between Sylvia and Ceci, Sylvia’s daughter. Sylvia seems to forget Ceci even exsists because she never talks about her or sees her.

“I tried to tell my mom but she didn’t hear me. She wasn’t dressed for listening or like she had been in the kitchen for very long or like she was planning to stay there either.” (Gilb 76)

            This quote shows how Sylvia doesn’t hear Sonny. She is always so distracted or preoccupied with other things that she doesn’t pay attention to her son. Also, this quote shows that Sylvia isn’t much of a kitchen or cooking type of person.

 “It seemed to me she was wearing another new dress, and she was smelling washed and bath-oiled and lotioned and misted, and the high heels were glossier and redder than her lipstick.” (Gilb 76)

            Sylvia loves to dress up and to look beautiful. She goes out and buys new dresses and shoes so that she can look more beautiful. Also, she spends a lot of time working on her appearance. She also likes to go out all dressed up.

             

“She was opening American cans of Mexican salsa. He doesn’t even know I buy este chile at the grocery store,” she told me. “He thinks I make it. He even tells everybody I do.”(Gilb 76)

In this quote, Sylvia is faking her “homemade Mexican cooking” skills. She is going out and buying food from the store and then claiming that she made it because her husband loves home cooked Mexican food. This little white lie of Sylvia’s has grown because Cloyd brags about his wife’s cooking, not knowing that the food is store bought.

“She hadn’t hit me or threatened to since we moved in here.” (Gilb 78)

            Sylvia used to hit Sonny back at their old house. This quote shows that there was violence in Sonny’s home.

“She reached into her purse and handed me a five. “Maybe just go get yourself dinner tonight. He’ll be going out.” What was strange is that she said this like I wasn’t buying my own dinner practically every night. I guess she was so distracted it hadn’t occurred to her to wonder how I did that—how I’d been doing it.” (Gilb 80)

            This quote also demonstrates how clueless Sylvia is about Sonny’s life. She doesn’t really care to ever ask him or clue into the things that Sonny does.

“Cloyd approved of that comment. “Yeah, she is one pretty Mexican gal,” he said. “I am one lucky man, all right.” (Gilb 89)

            Once again, this quote tells about Sylvia’s beauty. Cloyd admires her appearance which could be why Sylvia spends so much time doing her hair or buying new clothes.

Word Count: 721

I Am...

My name is Alison Green. This is my first semester at Gavilan. As far as academic goals go, I am just working to get the general education classes out of the way. I plan to transfer to a UC or CSU I just don’t know which one or what I want to major in. I guess I am leaning more towards environmental sciences or some sort of zoology. I am currently working for a business called All About Critters that specializes in dog training and behavior as well as well as pet sitting and walking. This job has given me an awesome opportunity to work with animals and has helped me to begin narrowing down what field I might want to work in regarding animals, which would be more exotic animals instead of domestic, although I do love cats, dogs, horses and sheep.

 I also work as a student intern at my church as a youth worship leader. I mainly play the guitar and the piano. I have been playing the piano for about seven years and the guitar for three. Music is a very large part of my life and I know it will continue to be.  I do hope to at least minor in music at a university, but I don’t see myself ever choosing a career in it. I think working in the music industry would make music a lot less fun for me. My major influences are the bands The Dear Hunter, The Venetia Fair, Pierce the Veil and Portugal the Man.

I love to read, although I don’t read very much anymore. I used to read all the time, but stopped during high school because I am the kind of person who cannot put down a good book once I’ve started it and this reading habit heavily interfered with all of my other school work. My favorite book is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I am pretty much neutral when it comes to writing. I finished high school at Gilroy High in November as an early graduate. I am excited to be staring college, but it feels a little awkward because I still have the choice to participate in high school functions like prom and the Disneyland trip. Also, I will walk at graduation in June, which was something my mom really wanted.

I live at home with my mom and dad, a younger brother, and two cousins. I also have an older brother who is a sophomore in college at University of the Pacific. My younger brother is in eighth grade at Solorsano middle school, one of my cousins is a sophomore at Gilroy High and the other is in fourth grade at Antonio Del Bono Elementary school. We also have two dogs, a golden retriever and a lab/Australian shepherd mix, a big fat cat, and a cockatiel, so we have a very full house.

In my free time I hang out with friends, play or listen to music, watch tv, or do things outside. I ride my bike most places I go, although I have a driver’s license. I really like kayaking, hiking, and backpacking. My favorite tv shows are Bones, Psych, Burn Notice, and CSI. Recently, my family got Netflix on our playstation 3, so ive been watching a lot of movies and tv shows on there. I like Netflix a lot, but I am sad that so many video stores are closing.